


the ocean

by bluegiann



Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Religion, basically they talk about god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26668861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluegiann/pseuds/bluegiann
Summary: Hehad a question for Neil,he’d had it since they’d met. Andheasked away, “Do you even believe in God?”
Relationships: Neil & The Protagonist (Tenet), Neil/The Protagonist (Tenet)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34





	the ocean

He had felt like the ocean since the beginning. Waves dancing to the wind, crying to storms, the great force who’s the bearer of lost souls and could not possibly love all of them and yet tried, and tried, and tried. He had to step away from time to time, answer strictly to the questions he was asked and seal his mouth for the rest of the week, nudge and seize the right occasion to slide in a witty remark, stem autorithy while showing unparalleled respect for them. 

_He_ could almost hear the waves whenever Neil was around. _He_ could almost feel the rain falling down on his lips, surrounded by fog and loneliness, enclosing _him_ until _he_ couldn’t breathe, _exposed_ , and so tender _he_ wanted to never let go, _so exposed_. 

__

__

Even now, _his_ lungs were filled with the kind of peace that breathes misery. It all came down to that freezing tiredness, so unknown and peculiar, a murmuring violin singing notes of a lulling anguish, romantic in its own twisted way. 

_He_ had a question for Neil, _he_ 'd had it since they’d met. And _he_ asked away, “Do you even believe in God?”

Neil laughed so easily, his head gently ducking down with the glimpse of a smile – something so little that should’ve felt as a threat, a mockery. So far, it felt so familiar and warm, the least dangerous thing Neil could do to _him_. Making fun of _him_ , of the details _he_ didn’t know about, taking pride in nurturing them, that would’ve been proper. Neil always felt like the lump weighing on his shoulders brought him distance and cold smiles, not ever an ounce of satisfaction. Neil didn’t see his knowledge as compensation for the loss he had to hide behind his lids, whenever he closed his eyes, whenever _he_ turned his back on him in favor of a dimension that wasn’t his own. 

“Maybe,” and _he_ hated him for that. For the half smile pestering his face, injecting doubts into _his_ veins and bones and brain. _Maybe_ wasn’t an answer, it wasn’t finite. Of course Neil knew and his hands joined on the railings with innate elegance, he clicked his tongue on the palate, “If a God knew about how inherently and relentlessly vicious we are, would He still want to exist for us?” 

_He_ relaxed into _his_ body, let _his_ hands fall to the icy bars that put themselves between the water and _his_ mind, knuckles shivering. “I guess He would’ve left by now.”

“What I believe in is not really relevant to you, my friend.” Neil fixed his scarf as a few drops of salted water reached his neck. “If you dress your heart with the words of God then you should know that you don’t exist for Him.” 

Neil looked at _him_ for the first time since they had boarded on the ship. 

“He exists for you. Do with Him whatever you want and if you’re lucky enough to kiss your way into heaven He’ll forgive every bad deed you’ve done.”

After that there was only silence. Human, pure, distilled silence. Nothing godly or holy, not an awakening or the greatest and final vision downing on _him_. Just a thought that _he_ could get used to the ocean.


End file.
